irishoaks's Blog

This was just emailed to me.  I would like to pass it along just for fun and a few chuckles.  but I would like to dedicate it to my dear friend:integrityforus

 

TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

> >1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was >God and I didn't. >2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. >3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. >4.. I used to have a handle on life , but it broke. >5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. > >6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me >7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. >8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. >9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing. >10... Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. >11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning >medicine. >12... God must love stupid people; He made so many. >13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. >14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. >15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? >16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it! >17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up. >18. Procrastinate Now! > >19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That? >20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. >21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. >22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! >23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. >24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD. >25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three >thousand times the memory. > >26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a >pig. >27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.. >28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson. >29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on. > >Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends! >Life is too short and friends are too few! >