irishoaks's Blog

here is another one my sister sent.  I would share it just as readily if it were about us Baptists, laughing all the way.   The last one has a personal slant.  My sister and my father was a Lay Minister when we all were Methodists.  A Mrs. Peters did the same when she was announcing the events of the Harvest Festival when Dad was preaching at one of the country churches......

 

**This is abit disrespectful but it had me about to rol in the floor laughing.

 

 

 

******************************************************
*******************************************************
***********

 

 

 

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.'

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his BLEEP.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the BLEEP out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his BLEEP.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this and eat it for it is my body.' He did not say 'Eat me'.

12)The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

 

-->