TomDees's Blog

When eating out at a BBQ place, wear a red shirt.

When eating something with Ranch Dressing, wear white pants.

Always keep a spork in your glove compartment, you never know when you'll need one.

Keep Handi-wipes, a roll of paper towels, and wet knaps in the trunk at all time, along with a full length bib...you just never know when you'll need them.

If you can't wear blue jeans and flip flops to the place....stay home and grill out.

 

Enjoy.

Tom

 

 

 

     You know, throughout the day, there are a lot of people that make me laugh, and I listen to a lot of morning radio while out doing road Patrol traffic. I love Drake and Zeke, I love to listen to Bobby O.J. at WDIA, and I used to listen to P.A. Bomani, and Mother Witt and Henry over at Soul Classics 103.5 before they got canned. I'm also a big fan of Kennedy over at Q107.5 and my good friends Ric and Bad Dog with Rock 103's wake up crew should at times be arrested or censored for some of the things they play.

    However, in my opinion, the Single most funny, most entertaining radio personality in all of Memphis has to be Chris Jarman over at 98.1 The Max.  Jarman's humor, insight sharp wit, and general love for all things Memphis and Midsouth are unparallelled. His show is off the charts. I have laughed so hard at Jarman that I have cried. I firmly believe that Jarman or the Jar, or the king of Jarmantown and Jarmania is without a doubt unmatched in this Market, you can catch "The JAR" on the air weekdays starting at 10:00 a.m...but word of warning...park the car before you start listening.   

Jarman, you rule my friend.

Tom

 

  

     Okay, Back in the 1980's, I had really big hair, I mean big hair, huge hair, Hair that would have made David Lee Roth proud.....and then at one point I had a Mullet, Yes, Business in the Front and Party in the back...so I'm no stranger to big hair...or no hair...and they both have their place....

However, On Saturday, at my Youngest daughter's dance recital, The lady in Front of me had big hair, huge hair, big Mushroom shaped head full of hair, and it was problematic, I couldn't see around her hair. I have seen Lion's with lesser manes, I have seen a herd of Ferrell Poodles with less "POOFINESS".  This woman's hair completely blocked my view of the stage, with the exception of a very slim viewing area on either side of her big mushroom hair head. Not only was her hair huge, but she had obviously just come from the beauty salon and she reaked of more white rain than the band White Snake....Her hair was so big there were actual planets and moons orbiting her head, it had it's own gravitational pull.   

So I leaned to the right to see my daughter....and the lady leaned to the right...I leaned to the left to try to get a peak at my daughter...and Big Mushroom hair head leaned to the left....give me a break.

What I wouldn't have given for a pair of scissors, because I would have cut a path through that Big Poof so I could have seen the show...

Instead I just got up and moved.

Tom

"Never blocking your view with my hair...."

 

     Last weekend, I tried some of that shampoo that is supposed to add body and bounce to your hair, IT DIDN'T WORK.

Tom......

 

 

  

     I really like Waffle House, I mean I really do. It's probably more like a fixation, maybe I actually LOVE Waffle House. By the way, Waffle house has not paid me to say this, nor are they a sponsor of our fine program...I just really like to eat me a big plate of something Waffle House. I  like the atmosphere and I like the grease, and I like the kind of people Waffle House attracts. I like the bright Yellow and Black Uniforms, and there are even some Waffle House hats in the Road Patrol Hummer that a nice waittress gave to us for free one time. Yes, I love some Waffle House... BUT....there is one question I have that I can not resolve, and I may have to consult the "Waffle-pedia" for an answer.

When you order a sandwich at Waffle House, Why do they give you three pickle slices? No more. No less. It's always three slices of the dill variety. Now, here's the deal, I'm a fan of the Texas Chicken Cheddar Bacon Melt Sammich at Waffle House....I usually order it with Hashbrowns(regular, not scattered or smothered)....anyhow... every time I get that sandwich platter.... guess what....3 dill pickle slices are always stacked neatly on the side. Is there a Pickle-University(P.U.) that you have to graduate from to put these plates together. I don't understand.

When I'm done with the sandwich I eat the pickles last, by themselves, I don't know why...that's just the way I do it....One...two... three....crunch,crunch,crunch, down the hatch.

And then that question hits me again....Why three pickles, why not two....or four?

Perplexedly Pickled.

Tom.

 

 

So, if this morning's show (2/14/2008)  seems a bit louder, a bit more intense...a bit more JACKED UP!!! It is...You see this Valentine's Day...Darcy Thomas brought Danishes...Valerie Calhoun showed up with a box of donuts, and Edith...SHE runs Chyron (She puts those words on the screen that say things Like ...UH....Tom Dees anyhow) Edith brough Cup Cakes...so GMM is off da Hook.

 

WAtCH OUT, I ATE A DONUT,A DANISH, AND A CUPCAKE, SO IT'S ON!!!!! 

 

Tom    

I can only imagine what a Super Bowl at Ernie Freeman's house must be like...I can only imagine it because he hasn't invited me...lol.

But I can just imagine what it would be like, probably like this

Ernie: Hi Tom, Welcome to my crib.

Tom: Thanks E-Freezee,,,nice place...hey, you got anything to eat?

Ernie: How'bout some of my famous mac and cheese....

Tom: Nah, how bout something else, I was looking for something to EAT.

Ernie: How'bout some of my famous mac and cheese....

Tom: Uh, no, let me clarify this, I was looking for something edible.

Ernie: How'bout some of my famous mac and cheese....

Tom: Uh, no thanks, You got anything else Freeman?

Ernie: How'bout some of my famous mac and cheese....

Tom: Uh, no thanks, uh, Hey is that your new T.v. that they didn't hook up right

Ernie: Yeah, that's it, That's the new tube...by the way How'bout some of my famous mac and cheese....

(Tom fumbles for his cellphone in his pocket like it is vibrating and answers the phone like his wife is on the phone)

Tom: Yes sweetheart, what you need me at home...okay (Tom hangs up and turns to Ernie)

Tom: Listen Ernie, Sorry, I gotta go, the wife needs me at the house.

Ernie: How'bout some of my famous mac and cheese to go....Tom, Tom...

uh...Tom, Where did he go...It's like he vanished..... 

 

     Uh, A Santa Candle? I'm not sure if this falls under entertainment, but I sure found it entertaining, if not a bit sick. While out shopping the other day, I ran across some Santa candles. Okay, follow me for just a minute. The wick runs through Santa's Furry cap to his head, so after about 15 minutes of burn time Santa is headless, he has melted to the point that he is headless. I couldn't stop laughing at these in the store (I know, you think I've got a problem.) But I'm not the person who came up with SICK Idea of turning Santa into a candle...I was just standing their imagining some parent saying," Hey kids...Let's All come into the living room and gather round and watch Jolly Old St. Nick burn from the head down! "

Now, Frosty the Snowman Candles, I could understand, He's supposed to melt...but Leave Santa Alone, Don't turn Santa into a candle and burn him, it's not right.......Lol...I just couldn't believe it, I couldn't stop laughing at the absurdity of the idea...

MOMMY, SANTA'S ON FIRE!!!!!! It was like something out of a Griswald family Christmas it was so weird!

Tom

 

 

   

   It struck me this morning. Why does everything performance related in Billy Ray Cyrus's life have to rhyme? I mean first there was Achy Breaky heart, and then his daughter's stage name is  Hannah Montana. Do they live in a Housee Wousee with a Doggee Woggee, where everyone has Mullet Wullet Hair?

 

Tommy Wommy Deesy Weezy.

 

 

We had the folks from the Crepe Maker on the show this morning, and Ernie had to pop off about how superior his crepe making skills were to my crepe making skills...now folks, this shot at my cooking skills comes from a man whose claim to culinary fame revolves around a box of pasta that you add powdered cheese to...A.K.A. Mac N Cheese...or as we call Ernie's Cheesironi dish "ERNIE MAC" if you have ever had "Ernie Mac" you know how dry it is...So how dry is it?

Ernie Mac is so Dry:

10. Pampers may use it to line their diapers with...
9. Farmers out West use it for Growing Cacti.
8. If your apartment doesnt' have a dryer, just throw your wet laundry on top of Ernie Mac, it'll dry it out just fine.

7. Only a camel can survive on Ernie Mac.
6. It's like eating it straight out of the box, only drier.

5. The U.S. Military tests tanks and infantry in Ernie Mac.

4. Ernie Mac can be used in place of a Bounty Paper Towel

3. Ernie Mac can be used for smoothing out rough spots in wood or metal surfaces.

2. Ernie Mac has several household uses, including removing moisture from Cars, Boats, and Damp Closets, it can also be used in place of a sponge.

1. Ernie Mac was blamed for this past Summer's Drought.