Presidential candidate Gabe Newman may not be the front runner this election year. The Party which nominated him as their candidate, The Great American Party, may not count the most registered voters. Yet his campaign has been gaining attention amongst college students and disgruntled voters as he declares with irreverence that this election is not about the economy, oil, or advancing democracy around the globe but that public office is about serving his fellow citizen.
His grass roots campaign has used unique tactics to gain attention and engage people in political debate. The campaigns most popular effort to date – opening campaign offices in bars. The Great American Party has been sending campaign volunteers around the country to open offices in bars. “We found that most people are detached from the political process knowing that they are only going to have an either or choice.” shared candidate Newman,” The Great American Party’s goal is to give people a chance to talk about their opinions and ideas about the future of the country without the conversation being about a political party. We are confident that once people talk openly about their concerns they will see the need for the third party. We engage them where they socialize and discuss their values and ideas - in their favorite bar.”
Gabe Newman’s style has won him and his party a growing number of loyal followers. Most notably in a time when famous musicians such as Jackson Browne are publicly calling for candidates not to use their music as theme songs for a campaign The Great American Party’s candidate was approached by a band offering to write a campaign song. The underground sensation The Wet Knots based in Memphis, TN met candidate Newman’s campaign team at one of their campaign office openings in a bar. Mott Blades, lead singer for the Wet Knots explained, “We were doing some small bar shows in preparation for our national tour to support our new record when we met the campaign team. Gabe’s platform of don’t take this political campaign to seriously and his desire for elected officials to represent the common man resonated with us.”
Mott and his band mates felt a connection with The Great American Party and a few days later called the national headquarters with an offer. “Let us write a campaign song for Gabe is what I offered” added Mott. “I know how music can rally the spirit of a country as part of my family history a relative created music to inspire national pride for the King of Albania” The Great American Party accepted this generous offer and the sound can now be heard in the ear buds of iPods from the bands fans across the country. “Mott did an amazing job capturing the message of our campaign,” proclaimed candidate Newman,” we wanted people to hear, share, and pass around the song so we have put it where the majority of people get their information, on the internet.” The custom crafted campaign song is hosted on the Wet Knots and The Great American Party’s most public forums their MySpace accounts which can be found at myspace.com/greatamericanparty and myspace.com/wetknots respectively
President Gabe
We have been feverously raising funds for our Presidential candidate Gabe Newman. Gabe has committed himself to foregoing federal election funds and raising money from the common man. Unfortunately the only fundraising skill Gabe has is an assorted collection of bar tricks and he is raising funds a dollar at a time.
Although our big fundraiser of auctioning off a Pong a Long Beer pong table did bring out some ardent supporters it still is not enough to air our first commercial. Thus we must increase our base of supporters, to do this we are opening campaign offices. Actually they are already open as we don't have money for office space, deposits for lights and phones, and staff is far beyond our reach we have designated a series of bars as our official campaign headquarters.
Gabe's office
Our national campaign headquarters is located at Allgood Lounge (www.allgoodlounge.com) in Athens, Ga. It is Gabe's favorite place as drunken girls, tiki bars, and leather furniture have a certain appeal to Gabe but everyone has their peccadillo. Stop in for a drink and talk policy with Gabe in his executive suite with its rich leather chairs. Sorry we could not splurge on the Corinthian leather. Gabe has an open door policy; he also has an open bottle policy, if you bring him an open bottle of beer he will talk to you
Gabe has already opened a second campaign office serving Memphis, TN at the downtown location of The Flying Saucer. It is a great location for his staff to share his vision for the future of the country or shoot pool and talk to the Beer Goddesses.
Campaign Staff at work
To be of better service to our supporter's office hours are from 5p to closing time. Nothing greases the wheels of democracy like a few beers at happy hour. I bet the cold war would have been avoided if everyone had just had a few drinks and talked about those damn missiles in Cuba. We are of course looking to open other campaign offices so if you have a favorite watering hole and are willing to be our onsite staff just let us know and we will send you are official Gabe Newman Campaign Headquarters Certificate for you to present to your favorite bar.
They just might give you a free beer for helping them receive this great honor. Plus your mom will be proud as we let all the newspapers and media in your town know that you have been named campaign chair for the Gabe's campaign in your community. So be part of the solution this election season, and if you can't do that at least have an excuse when the next president totally BLEEPs everything up even worse. Being intoxicated may not be an excuse in the eyes of the law but it is when it comes to who you voted for in the election.
Nominate your favorite bar, be named chairman of a political campaign, and see your name in print in the local paper. It is the all American ideal. You will be popular, wield power, and may have influence over the fate of the world. Ok, none of that may happen but it is sure to be a great bar story and may get people to buy you a drink. Send us your nominations for your local headquarters to streetpeople_at_gmail_dot_com. Give us plenty of info about your bar does it have a website, a drink special, and most of all where is it located.
Buy & Wear
Of course opening all these offices does require cash so tell your friends to donate we have to buy beer of they will kick us out. We like to refer to it as liquid rent. If you don't have any friends then you can give us a dollar and we will be your friends. So buy a t-shirt, donate a dollar or two through paypal, and send us your nominations so your favorite bar can be an official Gabe Newman for President Campaign Headquarters
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That’s Presidential Material
Tired of Presidential politics? Obama and Hillary bumming you out? Then let's talk about a real bum – Gabe Newman. Gabe is a unique street person. Prior to winning our 2008 Street Person of the Year award he had a dream to rise above his condition of living in his late model American made car and be one of the most recognized men in America, live in a big mansion, have men fear his power and women desire him as he sets the tone of American culture. Gabe wanted to be our generation's Hugh Hefner. Recognizing that he needs a stepping stone to launch this campaign, he has agreed to use his media exposure as Street Person of the Year, for the good of our country, and run for President.
His thinking is based on all the other bums running for office... "Why not put a real bum in the White House?" If you think about it (but not too hard, and preferably after you have had a beer or four) it all makes sense.
Gabe is unemployed. Or, as he expresses it, he is pursuing his dream job; but it is not impacting his revenue streams in a manner that creates a slightly, positive cash flow. Thus, he ends up relying on the American system of social services, the generosity of the common man, and the free peanuts in bars to exist.
Yet, he has a plan to free America of this burden, and the burden of others like him. Elect Gabe Newman as President with your write in ballot this November!! Your tax dollars are paying for both the White House and Social programs that assist people like Gabe so why not put a street person in the White House, then you can save the budget dollars because he will be employed and have housing? I am pretty sure he can do just as good a job as President Bush.
To help make your choice even easier Gabe, has developed his own platform of issues and promises. Screw bogus stimulus packages that were proven not to work over 40 years ago, or Universal Health Care that will be squashed by the drug and insurance company lobbyists. Gabe has programs and promises that may not make you better off in four years, but are sure to distract you from how crappy everything is currently.
Here is Gabe's set of promises that he scrawled on a bar napkin and passed to me to share with you:
1. Hef & Gabe's birthdays will be named federal holidays by executive order. The German's get six weeks off a year and we all are blowing at least two days a year looking at stuff on MySpace at work anyway.
2. Liven up those boring House meeting and debates by adding "The House Hotties" a cheerleading team comprised of one cheerleader from every state. Just like pages but in skimpy outfits and they will have their own calendar for sale the proceeds of which will help to erase the national debt.
3. Beer & Gin added to the list of food staples and now tax free just like bread. Plus WIC coupons may now be used to purchase these items.
4. All newspapers must have a centerfold. English newspapers have the Page 3 girl (if you don't know about this journalistic soft-core porn check it out) and our papers have nothing creating a "Hot chick gap" that must be closed.
5. ESPN must be included with all cable and satellite TV packages free of charge. QVC and Home Shopping channels are banned or must share a channel with Telemundo.
6. Every man, woman and child in this great nation gets to BLEEP slap one of the following celebrities of their choice, one time: Tom Cruise, Any of the ladies on The View, Matt Lauer, Oprah, or any male performer that has ever appeared on American Idol.
7. People who drive with their hazard lights on or can't remember to turn off their turn signal are allowed to be run off the road by other drives and the offending driver has to pay to have any damage done to your car in the process of running them off the road to be repaired.
8. No more mixing of two breeds of dogs and giving their offspring cute names like Puggles. They have a name for dogs like that and they are called Mutts.
9. Congressional hearings into if Lindsey Lohan, Brittney Spears, and Jessica Simpson had boob jobs and why cute Kate Hudson has not.
10. Barry Bonds record removed from the record books.
11. National Health Care for everyone. Unfortunately it will consist of Gabe's mom coming to your house, feeling your forehead and saying "You don't have a fever. Go to school/work and you will feel better by lunch.
12. National Job Program: 5 cent deposit on all water bottles, soda bottles, and beer bottles spurring people to pick up all that are thrown onto the side of the street and redeeming them for money.
13. Education Program: Students attending schools of Massage (especially those that teach how to give a Happy Ending), Exotic Dancing, and Casino Worker Training are now eligible for Pell Grants because those guys in India are going to end up with all the computer and call center jobs and you can't export Happy Endings.
To achieve these lofty goals our candidate needs your help. If Obama can raise $280 million on the internet and Hillary can loan herself $20 million, we hope you can spot Gabe a Dollar so we can launch a media blitz to announce Gabe's run for the presidency. This is not a donation, it has no tax deductible status, and there is no big operation behind all this except Gabe and The Boxman. We are trying to panhandle our way into The White House. So, hit the PayPal button and give us a dollar. Want to do more drop us an email at contact(at)street-people(dot)com offering your services to promote our candidate.
