CLARK1027's Blog

Hello Joey, yes it's me Marvin. Those big storms that came through the other night were so frightening that I suddenly found myself wedged between my mattress and box spring shaking like a little girl. If you have not tried this you may want to. Is it degrading to be wedged in between a pillow top mattress like an over sized hot dog while your family looks on in shame? Yes it is but that thunder and lightening was so loud and powerful that there was no other option. On top of that the lights went out in my area for 8 whole hours compounding my plight even more!  Would you please offer words of encouragement for frilly, scared,  power puff girls like me during your storm watch segments? It would really mean a lot to me. Bye for now, I have to go get some of these mattress coils from some uncomfortable places! OUCH!!!!

PLEASE DO A "DRIVE DON'T DRIVE "ON THIS ONE! JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU HAVE SEEN IT ALL!!!  I SAW A GUY SO FAR UP HIS NOSE WHILE DRIVING, HIS HAT WAS MOVING!!!  THEN THE DRIVER TAKES HIS EYES OFF THE ROAD TO INSPECT HIS TREASURE! PEOPLE , PLEASE STOP PICKING YOUR SNOUTS WHILE DRIVING! OR AT LEAST PICK A DESIGNATED DRIVER! 

TOM, THESE ARE THE SOUNDS OF PEDESTRIANS FALLING OUT OF THE SKY ONTO MY HOOD WHO THOUGHT THEY WERE BORN WITH BUMPERS ON THIER BUTTS. EVERYDAY I ENCOUNTER IDIOTS WHO FOR SOME REASON BELIEVE THAT JUST STEPPING OFF A CURB AND WALKING INTO TRAFFIC IS NORMAL BEHAVIOR.  IT'S HUMAN PINBALL AT BEST AND IT'S  SUICIDAL!  PLEASE TOM, HELP THESE PEOPLE FROM BECOMING STATISTICS AND FROM ENDING UP ON THE HOOD OF MY FORD F-150!
THUD!!!!PFFFFF!!!UGHHH!!!UMMMPH!!!!AAAHHHH!!!!

No this isn't a new dance. It's my latest invention. It can be installed on every car in minutes. It's for people who think that it's ok to let their small children break dance and hand stands on the center console of their cars. I saw a women last week with a child about four who was standing on the console while she was driving down the interstate at 65 mile an hour!   In a serious violation like this, a hand would come from under the steering column and SMACK SMACK...SLAP for about 5 minutes! People put your babies in a car seats!  If they wont stay in them, then try super glue, vice grips or nails!  Or for three easy payments of $19.99, you can get the "SMACK...SMACK...SLAP"!

Is the world going mad. Why must some people try so hard to be ridiculous. There was a 92 maybe 93 GMC suv being held together by luck, will and duct tape. Hanging inside above the rear view mirror was a portable dvd/tv player with the cables in plain view. In the right head rest in the back seat, there was another portable dvd/ player placed in a carved out opening in the head rest. Tom they had the nerve to have both players on, and no one was even in the back seat!  This is obviously a sad, sad oh so sad attempt at being cool. People who do this must be punished to the full extent of the law just for being BOGUS! Can you believe the car had an out dated drive out tag!  Instead of watchin tv, they should be watching to see if that DUCT tape holds and go get their money back!

Look up in the sky...it's a bird, it's a plane, no it's your baby!!!!! Tom I saw a woman who was driving down the street with two toddlers sitting in the front seat playing,hanging and dangling their arms out the passenger window. Can you imagine what the out come would be if the car were broad-sided from a person running a red light? There ought to be a special court for these boneheads. 1st offense a big ticket, second offense a mandatory parenting class and an even bigger ticket, 3rd offense all of the above, a  good choking and beating all about the head and neck area with a car seat strap!!!!

LISTEN UP PEOPLE, SOME OF YOU KNOW THAT THERE IS NO WAY YOUR CAR PASSED INSPECTION AND YOU SHOULD NOT BE ON THE ROAD. HERE ARE THE TOP TEN REASON'S WHEN YOU KNOW YOU FAILED INSPECTION!

 10. YOU HAVE TO KICK YOUR CAR IN THE RADIATOR TO START IT!

  9.   YOU HAVE DUCT TAPE AS MOTOR MOUNTS

  8.   WHEN YOUR WARRANTY DOESN'T INCLUDE A MUFFLER

  7.   BLUE SMOKE COMES STANDARD

  6.   YOU NEVER FIXED YOUR CRACKED WINSHIELD

  5.   YOUR SIDE MIRRORS LOOK LIKE TASSELS ON A BIKE

  4.  YOU CAR HAS MORE ROPE HOLDING IT THAN A RODEO HEFFER

  3.  YOU USE A SCREW DRIVER TO OPEN AND START YOUR CAR

  2.  YOU DRIVE AT A 60 DEGREE ANGLE

  1.   YOU HANG YOUR ARM OUT THE DOOR TO KEEP THEM CLOSED!

 

TOM,  I JUST DON'T GET IT. SOME DRIVERS DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT A TURN SIGNAL IS PLAIN COMMON COURTESY,  WHAT BONEHEADS. SO HERE IS MY LSIT OF THE TOP TEN ADDITIONAL USES FOR A TURN SIGNAL.

10.  HARD TO GET NOOGIE PICKER

9.    EYE POKER FOR WONDERING EYE SIGNIFICANT OTHER

8.   QUICK CHILD BEATING STICK

7.   BUTT OR BACK SCRATCHER

6.   HOOD PROP FOR HOOPTIES...YES YOURS

5.   AIR DRUMS DRUM STICK FOR MULLET LOVERS

4.   TELESCOPE FOR EINSTIENS

3.   A BLACKBERRY PDA PEN

2.   A BBQ SKEWER

1.    A BILLY CLUB!  HIT YA SELF UPSIDE THE HEAD FOOL!